That Night
by sweet-surrender5
Summary: Reposted and added chapter. Grissom and Sara look back on Nick's incident, GSR. Please read and review!
1. Grissom

a/n: welllll...I decided to re-post this story because a) wayy too many mistakes (it was my pre-beta era hah) and b) I added a second chapter!! From's Sara's POV, of course. So yeah, I edited some, and all that. Hope you like it!

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I drove you back to your apartment that night. We didn't get there until maybe two or three a.m., because they had to question us at the station, since we witnessed it. 'It' being, of course, what happened to Nick…

…What happened to Nick was terrible. There are so many 'What Ifs' and such thoughts, that I can hardly bear to think of it. What if we hadn't saved him? What if it was me in that box? What if it was someone else? What if it was you?

Like I said, I don't like to think of it too much. What happened, well, happened, but for now, let's concentrate on what _else _happened that night.

We were all pretty shaken up, and since I drove you to the scene, I offered to drive you home from the station. You were quiet, I remember. I felt so bad for you and I just wanted to hold you and tell you everything was okay. But for some reason, I didn't.

Don't ask me why. For seven years we had danced around a relationship. I was afraid, I'll admit it. I was afraid of falling in love with you, although I already had. I guess it was more I was afraid of letting us both recognize that I had. You make me happy. Nothing can make me smile like that gap-toothed smile can.

So that night I drove you home, desperately trying to think of something to say. I wanted to hear you speak, to see you think…I wanted to know you were okay. Usually, I can read you like a book from just one look into your eyes…or at least I thought I could.

"_The eyes are the mirrors of the soul" _

But you wouldn't look at me.

So when I pulled up, you made to leave, but I grabbed your hand.

"Sara," I said, pleading you to talk to me. You just stared out of the window. It scared me.

"Sara, honey. Look at me," I said. I have the tendency to call you honey when I can tell you're upset and I'm concerned for you. I know, bad thing to do when we were on the border of a relationship, but I can never help myself with these things.

You looked at me with those brown eyes…the only ones who could look me in the eye for long enough. People never look me in the eyes for more than a few seconds. You have the power to hold my gaze…and I must admit, I find it…well, sort of sexy. But that night, those pools of dark chocolate illuminated in the streetlight showed me such immense sadness that even myself, a man of fifty-plus years, wanted to cry for you.

"Talk to me," I pleaded with you, "Let me know you're okay. I'm…I'm worried about you."

You broke my gaze and stared at the floor. Your pale features were struggling with emotion; emotion I wanted your to release. It hurts when it comes out, but once it's out, you feel so much better. I, being male, am apparently not supposed to know this and bottle my emotions, but I've found this procedure more like torture.

"Thanks Grissom. You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine." You said, your hand reaching for the door handle. I squeezed the other at the same time, trying to stop you. You stared down at my hand, and I saw your eyes fill up with tears.

"I do need to worry about you…But when you say you're fine, I don't know if you really are…I need proof."

"Yeah," You scoffed. "Proof. It's always been about proof with you, hasn't it? Do me a favour this time, Grissom. Believe the truth without challenging it. I'll be fine."

"No, Sara you won't." I said. I thought at the time that you needed me, but I've figured out since that it might have been partly that _I _needed _you_. I was an idiot. I should have just told you just that, because what you said next was burnt into my heart.

"How do you know what I will be and what I won't?!" You said with such ferocity that I was taken aback. I always knew you were the type to flare up with anger and say things you didn't mean, but this time I had the feeling you meant it. You took your hand from my grip, and immediately it felt empty. "You act like you know me inside and out. But you know what Grissom? You don't!"

You were right.

"Sara, I just want to know you're fine! I'm just trying to care, for Christ's sake!" I said, wanting badly for you to heal me…But I thought it was me doing you the favor. How wrong was I?

"Why? Because you have to, that's why. Just like you have to care about anyone else on the team. It's your job, right? You're just covering your ass from Ecklie, but you're trying to pass it off as you actually care about me!"

"Sara, no I--"

"And you know what else? If you took the time and actually cared enough about me, I would have let you in! I wanted you to know me, and I wanted to know you. But you're too afraid. You're a frigging coward, Grissom. A _coward._" You took your bag and left the car then.

Then probably wasn't the best time to talk about our relationship when we were both obviously upset, I remember thinking, but I jumped out of the car after you as you sprinted away. Sometime during the talk we had just had, it had started to rain. I hadn't even noticed. It soaked me through, cold, biting and harsh, but I didn't care.

"Sara, wait!" I remember bellowing after you, wishing desperately that I could just hold you and make everything right in the world. You were running still, slipping across the pavement and under streetlights.

"Sara!"

I ran after you, although I can't run well with my leg, I did it. You slowed down and fumbled with your keys, trying to get into the side door of your complex. I was still running down the alley after you. When I saw you running from me, something happened…I can't even explain it, but I'll try; it was a sort of revelation. I'd hurt you so many times over the years, and you'd kept coming back to me. But this time, it felt like you were running in the opposite direction. And I didn't want to loose you.

So as I ran down that alley, watching you trying in vain to escape from me and crawl into your own little world of despair, leaving me helplessly alone, I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop the feeling from my gut running through my brain and from my lips, loud and clear as it echoed through the alleyway and all around…

"I love you!"

I caught up to you to find you frozen on the spot, your keys in your hand. You were soaked though, your hair wet and stuck to your pale face. You looked so oddly beautiful, like you always do. I stood behind you, not sure what would happen next. I remember the moments next the best; when you turned around, staring right into my eyes. I moved closer to you, trying my best to say the right thing this time.

"Sara, I love you. I loved you for so long, and I hated it."

When I said that last part I saw hurt flash through your eyes.

"But I was totally wrong. I was an idiot and a coward, you're right. I want to love you now, Sara. I've wanted to be with you for so long…and now I'm hoping you'll give me that chance…" I pleaded, breathless and wet.

I don't exactly know how I could tell, but I knew that some of the wetness on your face wasn't just from the rain. I tentatively moved closer, not wanted to startle you or scare you off. I could see water droplets on your eyelashes and on your nose. Slowly, I lifted my palms to your cheeks and wiped your eyes with my thumbs.

"Please…I'm so sorry Sara…I'm so sorry…" I remember saying over and over as you just stood in front of me, looking empty. I tasted salt in my mouth and that was when I realized that I had been crying a little too. I think your must have noticed, because right then, you dropped her keys and your bag and pulled yourself into my chest.

And right then, I knew…Everything was going to be okay.

It's been almost a year since then. There have been some rocky bits, and plenty of times when we just wanted to quit, but we stuck through it. Together. We talked, we kissed; you and I became a couple.

And in that following year, we learned the ins and outs of each other and learned the benefits of being together. At home, after you had moved in with me, we learned to live as one. At work, we worked in perfect harmony and perfect symmetry.

Yeah, I suppose that's exactly what it was; a learning experience.

So today, I'm sitting here writing this out for you, Sara. I want you to know exactly how I felt that night. Ever since what happened with Nick, and what just recently happened with Jim…I don't ever want to leave you alone, but in any case, if I don't get to tell you myself, it's all here.

If you had been in one of their cases, Sara…I have no idea what I would have done. Maybe I would have fought hard to get you back. Maybe I would have broken down. Maybe I'd die. I don't know, and I sincerely hope I never, ever have to find out.

.I never thought I'd find someone for me…but you…you're the most amazing, beautiful, so essentially _real _person I've ever known. I love you more than anything; more than bugs, more than baseball, more than working, or traveling, or pissing off Greg. To deny that I love you would be like to deny that we need air to breathe. It would be to deny life itself

-- Gil

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a/n: please review it!! 


	2. Sara

a/n: Basically, this chapter isn't all that much different...heh heh. But nonetheless, its here. Hope you like this one too!!

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I don't know how long I had stared at that whole in the ground for. It could have been fifteen minutes, it could have been hours. I just stared at it, wondering how a simple missing chunk of earth could have killed one of my best friends so easily. I stared and stared, left with only the sounds of police sirens, the wind in the leaves, and my teeth chattering rolling around in my head. 

The next thing I knew I felt something warm on my back and I heard you talking softly. You said something about separating the past from the future, which I found pretty ironic, given our situation, but I didn't say anything. I just let you take me by the hand and bring me to the SUV.

It still seemed like everything except my outer features had left my body and was floating around somewhere else. Nothing was left inside of me except my sarcastic sense of humor, which commented after I had answered mechanically to the questions asked when we had to take statements.

It still hadn't returned when you offered to drive me home. I remember nodding and following you lamely to your car. You kept looking over at me, trying to catch my eye. I know you just wanted to see if I was okay.

But for some reason it bothered me that you couldn't just start talking. You couldn't just ask…No, you had to analyze everything I did and try to read it you yourself. You've always been like that. You make it so hard for yourself; you need proof and evidence, you can't just take someone's word for it.

When you pulled up to my apartment, I didn't feel like arguing. I felt like just going home and curling up with that bottle of vodka I've been avoiding and just stay like that until I was warm all the way down to my toes.

But as I went to leave the car, you reached across and grabbed my hand

"Sara," you said quietly. I just stared outside. I didn't want to talk. The last time I had poured my heart out to you, you had just sat there and watched me like you'd watch any other victim of some senseless crime.

"Sara, honey. Look at me."

"Talk to me," you said, trying to get my attention. I just wasn't in the mood to play mind games with the Great Grissom.

"Let me know you're okay. I'm…I'm worried about you."

"Thanks Grissom. You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine," I said before I even knew it. It came out cold and biting – I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I still felt like an empty shell. I just wanted to go inside and wallow in self-pity.

"I do need to worry about you…But when you say you're fine, I don't know if you really are…I need proof."

That was what I _didn't _want. Your pity.

"Yeah," I heard myself say, "Proof. It's always been about proof with you, hasn't it? Do me a favour this time, Grissom. Believe the truth without challenging it. I'll be fine."

"No, Sara you won't."

Suddenly everything that had been missing inside of me slammed back in. I started to almost shake, feeling like they were all vying to escape once more.

"How do you know what I will be and what I won't?!" I yelled, taking my hand from yours, "You act like you know me inside and out. But you know what Grissom? You don't!"

"Sara, I just want to know you're fine! I'm just trying to care, for Christ's sake!" You said back, and I just shook even more…this time with anger.

"Why? Because you have to, that's why. Just like you have to care about anyone else on the team. It's your job, right? You're just covering your ass from Ecklie, but you're trying to pass it off as you actually care about me!" I all but yelled

"Sara, no I--"

I wasn't done my little rant.

"And you know what else? If you took the time and actually cared enough about me, I would have let you in! I wanted you to know me, and I wanted to know you. But you're too afraid. You're a frigging coward, Grissom. A _coward._"

I really didn't mean for everything to come out so harsh. I was tired, angry, and confused. Everything inside of me was a mess; a melting pot of every emotion that you could stir up inside of me. I wanted to just disappear then – disappear like I did after my mother went to jail. Become another faceless name that no one cared about. It just seemed easier.

So I ran.

I ran down the rest of the street, the cold November rain stinging my eyes and splashing up on my pants as I ran through puddles. Amongst the jumble of voices in my head I heard you yelling my name. I just wanted to get away. I ran to the back door, fumbling for the keys as you jogged down the alleyway. Voices screamed in my head, but yours was above them all as I heard you yell…

"I love you!"

I froze, the voices in my head quiet. You stopped a few feet away, your eyes glassy and your hair wet. At that moment I realized that in the car when everything had slammed back into me, it hadn't been everything. It was missing something…my heart.

"Sara, I love you. I loved you for so long, and I hated it."

It slid back into place, and as you told me those words it felt like someone was squeezing it with a wrench.

"But I was totally wrong. I was an idiot and a coward, you're right. I want to love you now, Sara. I've wanted to be with you for so long…and now I'm hoping you'll give me that chance…"

I felt completely unaware of anything but your voice and the thumping in my chest. Then I realized that I was sobbing, and you stepped forward, wiping my face with your thumbs. Your eyes were a watery blue…that same blue I'd fallen in love with seven years before.

"Please…I'm so sorry Sara…I'm so sorry…" You said over and over, while I just stared at you from in between your hands. A thick drop slid from over your eyelashes and then I broke, dropping everything and grabbing your wet shirt, pulling myself into your chest.

You held me tight then, and I knew that finally things were the way they were supposed to be.

You pushed me against the door and kissed me…hard. All I had wanted for the past seven years was in that kiss. I only realized not long ago that I neglected to tell you I loved you back. But thinking about it now, I don't think I needed to.

You just understood.

I'm sorry for being so cold that night. I realized that it wasn't pity you were offering…it was genuine. I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you that, and thank you for finally understanding. Life's so much better with you around. I moved to Vegas for the simple possibility that you'd fall for me the way I fell for you. I suppose it happened.

After that, it was like we'd skipped the whole dating thing. Suddenly we had gone from coworkers to lovers and confidantes…and I was okay with it. Actually, more than okay. My nights went from sitting alone with a Chinese takeout (sad, I know) to lying with you on the couch just talking.

And now, a year since that happened, I'm writing this for you. What happened to Nick and what happened to Brass…this job is one where anything could happen, so here's knocking on wood. But just in case, I'd like you to know a few things, and I know you'll never forget them (you never forget anything).

We're no story book couple. We have our problems and disagreements. But we are a 'we' and I guess that's what makes everything seem better. Everything _is _better. You are the most confusing, scary, amazing, beautiful, annoying, complicated person I've ever met. It took us a long time, but a long time isn't forever. And that's what I'm thankful for. Grissom, I love you. I don't know how many times I'll get to say that to you, so I'll write it down here, where hopefully it'll stay for a very long time.

-- Sara

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